I turned 22 on 14th December 2018, and realized that there are a lot of things I am grateful for. People, circumstances, places forcing me to grow up in a certain manner leading me to be the way that I am.

The people I know and surround myself had always been divided in categories in my head, subconsciously. There were people I knew I could fall back on, regardless of the situation, the ones I could count on to be there for me, unconditionally. There were some people who had me to help them out of their troubles, and would help me if I asked them. Some whose sole purpose was to have me around as a sounding board, to throw ideas at and see how well they’re accepted (or not). Those who always wanted me to be around without bothering if I wanted to be there or not, if I could be there or not.

I also realized that there may be people who, for me, belonged in the first category, but they...

And it was awesome.

A bit awkward at the beginning because the only thing that concerned me was what the servers might be thinking of me and what the other people seated around me would be thinking. But, 20 seconds.

“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

― Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo

After the initial reluctance, everything got pretty chilled out. Because, nobody cares what you’re doing till you’re not making a mess or wreaking havoc upon their peace. As to how I got in this situation …

I was giving final exams for a certificate course – two of them – and the center was faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar off. I had to change the metro thrice - that far off.

So after dropping me, Dad went back home - because there was nothing else to do...

UPDATE

I do enjoy Economics right now. After a lot of introspection and rethinking all the choices I made during the last year, I realize the fault was not in the subject, not in my friends, not in my choice of crushes, not in anything but me.

I had forced myself into thinking that whatever happened to me – would be the worst possible option happening. Maybe some of the choices I made probably did lead to the worst possible outcome, but I’ll live with it. I believe I incorporated the Murphy’s Law quite literally, instead of looking at it as anything can go wrong, I interpreted it as Anything that happens, is wrong.

And that, dear reader, is wrong.

For example, younger me would wonder why you’re reading this because I’ve not worked on publicizing my opinions. Why would you waste time reading this anyway?

But now, I’ve opened my mind. (Ironic, seeing how I considered myself liberal...

I’m now pursuing Economics from Banaras Hindu University, Varanasi. A subject I’m yet to develop interest in and a place I really don’t want to stay in. Life has a funny way of handing out lemons and I have an equally funny way of making a lemonade out of them.

I tried to get out of here by trying Design; and almost succeeded. Missed both my top choices by a whisker. And yes, that does hurt. A lot

But just like the optimistic teenager I once was, I’m going to take this in my stride, and try and be better with what I have in hand, instead of moping on what I could have had.
(Which is ironically what you’re currently reading me doing…)
Oops.

Well anyway, let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about what else I’ve lost in a year.

1. New friends at the college
I didn’t exactly lose them, I decided I didn’t want to spend any more time with them. It was a mix of I’m not good enough...

Sometimes (or most of the times, with me) you talk about anything and everything. It’s almost like I’m a notepad for you to write your feelings on, and then forget about it. ( Confession : I do that too, but with my diary. )

You tell me what happened in school, what happened amongst your friends that don’t include me, what happened between you and your estranged lover, in between you tell me I’m a great listener.

And silly as I am, I flatter my self. I don’t fish for compliments, but when I do get them, I treasure them a WHOLE LOT.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand then the tables turn.

It’s my turn.

I need someone to confide in. I need someone to listen to me. Just to listen to me. Someone who can just hear me while I talk with glee about my crush. Or how I fangirl while talking about Benedict’s cheekbones.
Seriously though , fangirls need other people to listen to them.

Oh my god, I’m so sorry,...

Dear Diary,

    I know it’s tough and funny and amazing and tortuous , all at the same time. More frustrating or fun , though, I just can’t seem to decide.

(You know what I’m referring to, right? Read the goddamn title if you don’t.)

Knowing all that goes on in minds like my own, I still don’t understand one aspect of it all. Why do people get extremely depressed when a person close to them leaves ? The way I see it, unless and until you meet new people, how will you know which ones are good for you ?

That’s kinda like food. Or books. Or even gadgets. You have to let go of your ‘rigid’ (Haha, literally.) taste-buds to try something new. In case of books, most of the time, bibliophiles have a hard time choosing books from genres other than their own favourite ones (I’m a party to that) With gadgets, I hate to confess, I’m personally biased towards open source software and ABSOLUTELY...